Having been raised a stout and dedicated supporter of Catholicism, faith has become a deep and complex topic. As a youngster growing up, encompassing the years at junior high school, I considered myself a very religious person.
Slowly but surely, I started to doubt much of the doctrine I had assimilated and believed as undeniable truth, all of which was based on pure blind faith since there was no scientific basis for the blessed trinity or the notion that wine could actually (and factually) be turned into the blood of Christ.
As I matured, I began to ask pointed questions about my skepticism. Never lacking an answer, my catechism teachers would repeatedly point to the bible and the convictions of St. Thomas who merely needed to touch the wounds of Jesus to become convinced that he did indeed rise from the dead.
Following my total departure from the church, I faced an inner struggle. I realized I had far too many unanswered questions. My faith in the church had been riddled with too many holes. This is not to say I stopped believing in God or Jesus. It was the church doctrine that had produced serious doubts in the very foundation of my concepts of God, religion, faith and the things I had heartily believed.
After these occurrences, I didn’t feel any less spiritual. I felt confused, searching, but unable to hang my new self realization and spirit on a new hook.
The 60’s were marked by much contemplation and much meditation—guilt, doubt, protest—and I found myself in the middle of it all.
Today I have accepted a version of spirit and soul that is more acceptable. I doubt I have ever broken this chain of faith in a creator. I have found a way to accept a more natural and real belief and faith—in my cosmic reality of existence—that goes beyond whatever any clergyman will ever be able to explain.
It’s very much alive, constantly changing, but not at all in conflict with my everyday life. I can’t explain more than this but I’m confident that more of this truth will be revealed—as long as I continue to look and question. My heart will dictate the things I need to understand.
This is the faith I hold to my soul like a rock.